Chronicles in the Crucible: The Story of Glory, Dancing, and Violins

Last night, the Spoon Deep crew entered the crucible, Destiny’s online multiplayer experience.  We entered young, weak, naive, and a little sticky.  We came out hard, battle weary, victorious, and if possible, even stickier.  There can be only one winner in the crucible and for the past two nights, that has been Spoon Deep.  In the ten or so matches we played both last night and the night before, we won.  Some of the matches were close, some of them were not.  This is the story of the 6 men who entered the crucible and the tales of the battles that followed.

Tails and the conch of the spoons
Tails and the conch of the spoons

Normally for the Spoon Deep crew, Tuesday night is raid night.  However, Spoon Deep being the democracy that it is, we voted in favor of running through the crucible and showing these other teams what it means to have a spoon shoved up your arse.  And oh did we shove. I love playing crucible with my Titan (FIST BROS for the win!).  I love fisting bros when they jump inside my bubble.  But last night I ran on my warlock and glided safely to the glory hole.  Personally, I lead the team in kills just once with 19.  Firebase Delphi is my home when it comes to running around with a shotgun and axion bolts.  Haters gonna hate.. hate.. hate.

For the rest of the matches, Andy AKA The Muscle usually lead the team.  His highlight performance came on Shores of Time, where he went 18 – 0 sniping fools as they wondered into our zones.  Sticky Buns was trying to get his grubby paws on some of those kills but was unable to pull the trigger fast enough.  He would later find out that shooting the enemy in the head is the most effective way to kill.  He would finish at the bottom of the leaderboard with 4 kills and 7 deaths.

Ian AKA The Wildcard would come in clutch on more than one occasion.  Twice he unleashed his Warlock’s void bomb to rain death upon an entire team of confused guardians.  AN ENTIRE TEAM.  He recorded it with one of the Xbox’s best features and I like to imagine that he danced sweetly on top of the mass grave he created.  He redefines the term space magic.

Meanwhile, Mangos AKA Mangos played well nearly every game, starting the night off with a 17-0 performance.  His showstopper moment came on Shores of Time where he squeezed out 26 kills and 6 deaths.  I like to say I had a hand in his triumph, as I kept pointing my sniper at his foes, temporarily blinding them while he finished them off.

In the end, I had the most important job of all: motivation.  At my disposal is the most legendary of weapons: the greatest conch of all the spoons, my violin.  At the end of every match in which we emerged victorious (if you just jumped in, we won every match), I would play the song of my people.  Sometimes it would sing the song of Zelda, sometimes it would screech at its enemies (and its friends).  I like to think the violin stoked the fire hidden within the hearts of every Spoon.  It also may have woken the neighbors.  Who knew the violin could sing so loud.

So, there you have it.  We played 6 games of crucible last night, and we won 6 games of crucible last night.  These are our tales.  We were down one Spoon, The Real Deal, but we played with good friend and honorary Spoon, Daddy Gerbil.  We also picked up some random potatoes and dragged them kicking and screaming to the podium.  If we played with you, we salute you.  If we played against you, we hope you enjoyed the taste of our spoons.

Dig in,

Jake

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