Popping a Vault Cherry – With a Spoon

Well, Spoons…here we are. It’s the morning after, and no pill is needed. There’s no hangover despite having been drunk on power and high on life, for last night…Destiny called. Rather than taunt us with a good grind, it heralded a message seeking Guardians for no other purpose than comradery, guns, and fun. We answered this call, and for the first time since Christmas, I had a blast.

Last night was Deal’s turn. Last night, the veterans of Spoon Deep hid our pride, equipped our best, and bunkered down into the normal mode Vault of Glass, for it was time for The Real Deal to prove his stuff. It was his first ever full run in the vault, and at a lowly level 27 he was in for a treat. I still hold the belief that VoG is the best Destiny has to offer, and for our newest spoon to experience it in all its glory with all the Spoons is something I hold quite dear. Now, this is the story all about how Deal’s life got flipped turn upside-down, and I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there, I’ll tell you how Deal became the realest of deals in His lair.

Him. Atheon. We’ve opened His vault, and we’re after His treasures. Like Guardians before us, we’d done it before. Wait, what? This vault always get me all turned around…what year is it? This seemed to be what Deal was thinking the whole way through, running around like a chicken with its head cut off. We tried to explain the fights, Deal, we did, but it’s like teaching someone how to walk: we’ve just done it for so long now, it’s become second nature. But we got you through, and I’d just like to highlight a few key moments in our journey.

First off, why is it we’re always waiting for Sticky Buns? Why? Quit touching yourself in the corner and join the damn fireteam! “But I need my guns…” No you don’t. Just get in here and punch Atheon to death, we don’t care. Just don’t die. Then we’ll wonder what you’re doing coming into a raid without your freaking guns, then you’ll get mad, and ugh. It’s a vicious cycle, Sticky Buns, and you’re always gonna lose.

Now, things in the vault went smoothly until we let Deal over here use the relic at Templar.

Us: “Alright, if we get marked, we’re all gonna come to you, and all you’ve gotta do is press LB.”

Deal: “Alright.”

Us: “We’re marked Deal, we’re all here, press LB. Deal, LB. DEAL. PRESS LB DEAL. LB LB LB LB…”

Deal: “We died guys.”


So, two wipes later, Jake took the relic and we downed Templar third try. “Just shoot him in the face when we tell you Deal…” He seemed to understand.

Alright, so…jumping puzzle. (Gorgons were fine, but did you know how easily they die in normal mode?? Like, I didn’t even have time to load my rockets…).  Now, if you know Spoon Deep, you’ll know what’s coming here. Deal, The Real Deal, made it on his second try. Easy. Sticky Buns, on the other hand…oh, Sticky Buns. Let’s just say it took a few tries, and let’s just say it usually takes a few tries. Eventually, I was forced to make my way back to revive him.

Last night, Spoon Deep Gaming learned the forgotten knowledge of how difficult the Atheon fight is for a newbie. We tried to explain, except usually all at once. Things were moving fast, people (read Deal) were dying, and tempers were flaring. Per usual, Sticky Buns got stuck in the “past” portal and jumped off the edge in a blind rage, all the while Deal’s running around aimlessly trying to shoot Atheon with a shotgun. I think he got the whole “go in a portal, kill stuff, come back, shoot boss” round-a-bout thing, although the exact mechanics… whoosh.

All in all, we only wiped 3 times at Atheon and only about 2 other times throughout the rest of the raid, mostly when we let Deal here use the big boy toys. But, he’ll learn, we’ll make sure of it. We don’t want him joining your fireteam without a clue; it’d look bad on us! I’ll also point out that while it may seem like all rage and tears, the Spoons actually had a great time running our latest through his first Destiny raid. Destiny is a game to be played with friends, and with Spoon Deep, there aren’t better friends to be had.

Deal walked out of the Vault of Glass with his head held high, 21 Ascendant Shards and 0 guns richer, sporting his new Chatterwhite shader and no new armor. That’s right folks, he got 3 Ascendant Shards at every single drop, and nothing else. It was glorious. Deal still has a ways to go before he proves himself as The Real Deal, but I’m confident he’ll become who we know he can be. As for Sticky Buns, well…he’s a Spoon at heart, and we love him anyways.



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